She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
