Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
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