i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
