she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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