We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
