Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
