Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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