I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
