She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
