i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize