I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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