did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
