Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I look excited, but its just a facade.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
