the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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