Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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