The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
