Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
