sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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