he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
