uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize