2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
