Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
