lets start a swedish sibling band together
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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