And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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