Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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