I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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