How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
