sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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