Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
