Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize