Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize