the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
