Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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