never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Randomize
