Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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