They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
He's on the porch naked. Help.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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