does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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