I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
