Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Randomize
