new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
