i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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