the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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