I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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