What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
