I just threw up on my dentist
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
