so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
We're too hungover to prance.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
