i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
