DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize