It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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