I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
