did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
