it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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