thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
