I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
