Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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