On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
