Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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