woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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