Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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