She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
