He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize