My cat gives me a boner
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
