oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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