I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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