i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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