Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
