On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
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