Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
