I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
