How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
