a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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