I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
