i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize