Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I need moral support for this bender
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
