Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize