My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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