what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
But theres a keg here and me gusta
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
