yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
sarcasm needs its own font
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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