if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
