i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
tell me about the fingering
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