May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Randomize
