You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
