Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Drake has all the answers
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
