on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I would ride that face into the sunset
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
