I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just threw up on my dentist
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
