Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
