Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
