why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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