have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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