guys are not supposed to queef...right?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
