We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
