OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I CAN MOONWALK!
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
