Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
